Partly to give him something to do and partly to keep him out of trouble, losing votes for President's re-election campaign in the South, former President Jimmy Carter of Plains, Georgia has been named 'Director of US Homeland Carpentry!'
"I promise to do the best that I can", stated Carter to reporters. "President Al Obama has faith in me and I'm not letting him down."
Carter, who has helped build hundreds of homes, mostly carrying around a board and overseeing, for Habitat For Humanity is the perfect man for the job, according to a spokesman for the Obama Administration.
"Although their mother, Miss Lillian, always claimed that Jimmy's brother Billy was a lot better carpenter-when he wasn't promoting Billy Beer-Jimmy had helped build more houses", the spokesman stated.
Close friends of President Obama had told the President that he had better make this move before something happened that would hurt his re-election plans.
"Some people have seen Carter out in the backyard with a great-grand-nephew building homes out of Lincoln Logs and Mr. Carter had mixed in some dog turds. Wouldn't Rush Limbaugh have a time with THAT photo?", stated a Georgia politician.
Upon hearing this, Mr. Carter perked up his ears as only those in the South can, and yelled at us.
"I like some of old Limburger's skits. That one guy sounds so much like me on those fake commercials, I thought it WAS me. But a friend the government sends, who stays close by me all the time, told me that it wasn't me!.......Look Billy Lillian. There's some more Lincoln Logs over there by the fence. Got some white in them."