Written by mikewadestr
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Topics: Rednecks

Friday, 23 March 2012

image for French Restaurant Surrenders to Boinkin' Bubba's Redneck Shak
Ah see that tractor a sneekin in thyre in them there bushes.

The East Dublin, Georgia French restaurant, La Mort Escargot, has announced its official surrender to Boinkin' Bubba's Redneck Shak that resides 'a ways down yonder road'. East Dublin, Georgia is famously known as the city that holds the Summer Redneck Games which take place each May, which is in the spring.

It is rumored that the reason the games are called the Redneck Summer Games and not the Redneck Spring Games is due to the fact that in some years the games have been postponed because not enough roadside hubcaps have been collected to hold the Hubcap Hurling event.

La Mort Escargot owner, Paris born Le Complyter Idiot, felt East Dublin would be the perfect place to open up an escargot only restaurant to compliment all those weird redneck dishes such as: Fried Squirrel, Plug Tobacco, Hoe Cakes, Chicken Feet, Hopping Johns and Leather Britches to name a few. Unfortunately for Mr. Idiot, the Rednecks would much rather eat their Leather Britches than a bunch of dead snails.

What is odd is that business was good initially due to the fact that most of the rednecks saw the word 'escargot' in the title and figured that whatever the damn word was it had 'car' in it which led them to believe the restaurant was some type of NASCAR bar. They happily ordered from the menu any item that had the word 'escargot' in it, which happened to be every single dish. When they found out what the food was, they most graciously declined to eat it by nicely stating: "Ah'd rayther suuck a duucks buuutt than eat a this a thang".

The reply really upset the owner and French born waiters at the restaurant because no one in the kitchen had any idea how to cook duck's butts. What was even more annoying is that the French waiters could not insult any of the rednecks because all the rednecks agreed with the waiters when they were called the likes of toothless heathens, overweight hippos, drunk bastards and dirty swine. Although they did let the French waiters know that they might want to use the word pig instead of hippo because not all rednecks know what a hippo is.

What was even worse is that whenever one of the waiters started pronouncing vowels with an annoying nasal sound, the closest redneck would immediately offer up his sleeved arm and say: "Y'all just go ryte 'head n blow that them a thyre nose on that them a thyre sleeve".

Within two weeks, La Mort Escargot was operating deep into the red and flirting with sanitation violations due to the fact that all of the restrooms toilet seats were stolen to be used in the Toilet Seat Tossing event. This led Mr. Idiot and his entire French staff to do the honorable French tradition of surrendering to their closest competitor, which happened to be Boinkin' Bibba's Rednech Shak.

When asked about the current situation, Boinkin' Bubba's owner, Boinkin' Bubba, replied:

"Weel, Ah gotta 'mit it twer kinda straynge and the lyke, least-a-ways inna beginin. But afta a while they start a comin' round. Ah didn't have none of them thyre fancy type cages ta hold none of them in so ah just a hauled them all inta the kitchen and put 'em to workin'. The onla thing bout them is that they all have sinusee colds all the tyme, but that don' matter, cause we gots a lots of sleeves".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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