Written by Evan Essence
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Topics: Iraq, Dick Cheney

Sunday, 19 March 2006

image for Bush's New Iraq Strategy: Send Dick Cheney
Dick Cheney in training for Iraq mission

Washington, D.C. -- The Bush Administration is facing a quandary. With an all-volunteer army… nobody is signing up to take the place of the 2,300 US soldiers already killed in Iraq. A secret pentagon study predicts that by this time next year, there will only be 27 US soldiers left to fight in Iraq. The rest are being blown up daily, by suicide bombers, snipers, and angry Iraqi mothers.

In a recent press conference, Bush made the surprise announcement, that he will be sending Dick Cheney…. (who has recently gained acclaim on Capitol Hill, for his track record as a sharp-shooter)…to Iraq, to lead an assault on northern insurgent strongholds.

"We are winning the war in Iraq," Bush asserted. "The only problem is they are killing all of our soldiers" he added.

Bush said he welcomes the news that Iraq is heading into a civil war. "The terrorists have been hiding among the population. They have been killing our soldiers. If we can get the Iraqis to kill all of each other…then the ones that are left are the terrorists. And we can kill them all, dead. Dick Cheney told me that the oil pumps are all robot-controlled, now, so we don't really need to have any people in Iraq, any more.

Senator Russ Feingold said that he welcomed sending Dick Cheney to Iraq, and added that probably George Bush should go as well.

Critics, on Capitol Hill, have pointed out that virtually none of the money being spent on the so-called "War on Terrorism" has anything, whatsoever, to do with fighting terrorists. Most of the US defense spending, which has bankrupted our country, goes for building new aircraft carriers, missiles, jet fighters, and nuclear weapons…which by definition have no value in fighting suicide bombers, who lurk in abandoned buildings and subways, and slip discretely through crowded Baghdad streets. The military budget, being billed as the "War on Terrorism", is actually nothing but pork-barrel spending, which is subsidizing the resurgence of military-industrial complex, which suffered from downsizing following the end of the Cold War.

"If we can send a sharp-shooter like Dick Cheney to Iraq," Feingold said " that will be the first time the Bush administration has actually tried to do anything to counter terrorism in Iraq, instead of just using fear of terrorists, to line the pockets of their campaign contributors with lucrative contracts to build weapon systems that couldn't possibly be used to fight terrorists."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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