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Topics: White House, Crime

Saturday, 18 March 2006

image for Bush Administration Officials plan next iconic crime
Dr. Rice at the reification awards

5 years into their stay in the White House, Senior Executive Branch advisors were starting to feel the alienation and loneliness creeping in. "I really started to feel like the people didn't get it," despaired Donald Rumsfeld, who has served as George Bush's Secretary of Defense through his presidency to date, "here we were, knocking ourselves out to make a statement, and the same political mealymouthed superficial analysis dominated the media. Whatever our policy differences, that Condi is a national treasure."

The idea Mr. Rumsfeld attributes to Condoleezza (a corruption of the musical term "Con Dolcezza") Rice, the current Secretary of State, former National Security Advisor, and first black woman to serve in either position, is to create 'iconic events' that illustrated the group's stand and philosophy. "The constant nag, nag, nag of the media and subordinate branches of government creates an atmosphere were words -- especially our words -- mean nothing, " avers Dr. Rice. "We understood this when we came to power, and preferred to communicate through actions in any case. Where we fell down was in our preference for huge, overarching actions, such as defunding and demoralizing our troops before sending them into an unending optional war, inviting a large scale terrorist attack and using it to justify unprecented contractions of civil liberties, or transferring the tax burden of the wealthiest Americans into debt load for the rest.

"What we have recently begun trying is to take our revolutionary philosophies and try them in a smaller scale."

No parties involved would specify which actions specifically related to this new initiative. However, Vice President Dick Cheney recently shot a fellow hunter in the face, Chief Domestic Policy Advisor Claude Allen resigned shortly over a after being collared by a Target employee for refund fraud, and the President has continued to engage in frequent pratfalls.

White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card confides, "You maybe haven't heard a lot about [Presidential Advisor Karl] Rove or even me a lot in the news lately, but I have a feeling that's going to change. I also have a feeling that things are going to get a little hot at an old folk's home in Fairfax County. You'll just have to wait and see with everyone else."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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