Written by Lyndon
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Thursday, 22 March 2012

image for Santorum losing support of virtually every American male since declaration of war on pornography
If Santorum really rids the country of porn, workers such as these will instead check their stocks or play FarmVille at work

HARFOLD, Vt. - Rick Santorum has all but lost the always-important 18 to 105 year old bracket of male votes this week regardless of party ties. Both Republican and Democratic, as well as Independent, Green, Tea Party, Communist males reacted in horror as Santorum deemed Internet pornography as toxic.

"Damn, I was behind Santorum in a big way," says Vince Andretti, a Republican who works as a teller at Harfold Savings Bank. "I'm family values all the way. But once he started in on taking away porn, I was like, 'What the--!'"

Democrat Will Munter, a teller at the same bank as Andretti, said, "Um, does he have anyone on his staff who looks over his shit before he speaks? I mean, one of his staffers was probably surfing some porno sites while Santorum was giving that speech."

Tea Party member Steve Camper was visibly shaken by Santorum's proclamation. "He says porn wires a man's brain as to make him violent. Try taking away my porn and you'll see someone go bullshit for sure."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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