While at a banquet in honor of the new "Broken Promises By a President Record", President Obama had one too many and let the real reason as to why America is planning out outlawing contraception slip to the shock of few but delight of many. Allegedly government officials are trying to bring extra humans onto this earth for slavery, barter, and entertainment purposes.
This classified information was "leaked" when Joe Biden handed Obama a [birth control pill] as a joke and told him to sniff it and see what happened. Obama was so angry he smacked the pill out of Biden's hand and said, "Your tax dollars are parking those cars out there. Want to keep it up? Michelle has a birthday party next month."
By the time the news made its way throughout the remainder of the guest list and staff members, Obama was hammered enough to confirm everything. He stated, "Look, we wha-nna loch the boooordhers and am-ricns won't do bitch ch-ores. Slaves are thuh solutin."
Although citizens have expressed outrage thus far, many analysts believe the scandal will die down and most Americans will enjoy the arrangement. Chief of Information Technology Steven VanRoekel explained, "No more paying for tour guides, shoveling snow, or carrying groceries to your car. And no more shelling out tips. Those are God given rights now. "
The slave trade is expected to start back up in 2022 once the first batch of orphans reach the ripe old age of 10.