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Saturday, 17 March 2012

image for Mitt Romney Excommunicated by Mormon Church! Becomes a Methodist
A happy Methodist now, Romney no longer a Mormon

SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH (ABSNN) - Mitt Romney, the front runner in the chase for the Republican nomination for President of the United States was excommunicated from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the Mormons, after it was revealed Saturday morning that he had, in fact, secretly converted to the Methodist Church sometime last week.

A terse written statement was released by LDS Headquarters in this city that stated:

"Former Elder Romney has renounced the True Faith as revealed by Joseph Smith, our first Prophet, Seer and Revelator, by aligning himself with a Mainstream Protestant Church that claims the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is little more than a cult, and a dangerous one at that.

"All attempts to dissuade Mr. Romney from ruining his life in the Celestial Kingdom and becoming a God in his own right failed. A final failed attempt on Friday led to today's excommunication. Ann, his wife for Time and Eternity will be on her own, so to speak, but we fear she too will face the ultimate penalty brought about by Mr. Romney's inexcusable break with the church in which he was raised."

Reached by phone on the campaign trail, Romney admitted to the switch but expressed his deep regret that he had, throughout his entire life, fallen victim to a "failed faith."

"I'm happy to report that the Methodist Church opened wide its arms to me and those members of my Celestial Family (although it remains uncertain how many of his immediate family will follow him out of the Mormon religion)."

Talk is rife among the MSNBC talking heads and Democratic politicos that Romney left the Mormon Church because he feared voters in the general elections in November would find his adherence to Mormonism, and his obligation to do whatever the LDS Church officials ordered him to do would cost him the presidency.

"That is sheer nonsense," said Romney. "The God's honest truth is that I fear assassination. Mormon founder Joseph Smith ran for President and he was killed by Missourians in the Carthage Jail."

A press conference is scheduled for Monday afternoon.

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