Written by David Grant
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Thursday, 15 March 2012

image for CIA Uses Conspiracy Theories as a Smokescreen
CIA Emblem at Langley

Yesterday an informer inside the agency claimed that the CIA created conspiracy theories to hide a shocking truth. The informer, who calls himself Fax Milder, says these theories are red herrings designed to avert mass panic.

What the CIA want to hide has a bearing on the very reality that we experience. Milder asks us to think back to the number of pens that we constantly buy, and to compare that with those that we find. Because of their particular size of about four to six inches in length, he says, they are particularly susceptible to falling through the inter-dimensional cracks that exist between parallel universes.

He points out that as long as we are concerned with who shot Kennedy, or whether we landed on the moon or not, we are not asking the important questions. The answers to those questions explain the feelings of Deja Vu that many experience and also the reason behind many disagreements between marriage mates.

Nearby parallel universes are almost identical to ours except for minor differences. Milder claims that, very often, we experience an event, and then swap with our counterpart in a parallel universe where the same event has not yet happened. When it does happen, we get that strange feeling.

A husband or his wife can swap universes and never see his or her original spouse again, and live with a different version for a lifetime, completely unaware. This explains why married couples very often disagree about the details of past events.

According to inter-dimensional experiments that he has witnessed, there is a shortage of pens in every universe. Picture the cracks as if they are between invisible sofa cushions and you will understand.

What concerns him the most, is that many of his colleagues at Langley are unethically using this knowledge to buy shares in Bic and Parker.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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