Newt Gingrich held a press conference yesterday in Biloxi, Mississippi and predicted that if Mitt Romney is nominated as the GOP candidate, "there will mass nausea and projectile vomiting at the convention!" Gingrich elaborated, "And this sickness will spread to every hamlet, village, and city where Republicans reside. The gathering will make the Democrat convention of 1968 look like a Day in the Neighborhood! Do you want to be part of that?" The crowd roared, "NO!"
"Here is what I am going to do," said Gingrich. "If Romney is nominated, I am wearing a Hazmat suit to the convention and Callista will wear one specially designed for her at Tiffany's. She says she doesn't mind wearing the mask. At least, she says, it will stop folks from saying she always looks like she smells something bad on her upper lip! Furthermore, I would suggest that each and every one of you take a goodly supply of Pepto-Bismol and steal a few Barf Bags from the airlines. This is not going to be pretty!"
Upon hearing of the Gingrich statement, Mitt Romney commented, "I use to projectile vomit in college. It was a lot of fun!"
In related news, Proctor & Gamble, manufacturer of Pepto-Bismol, announced the signing of Newt Gingrich to a contract for the year 2012. The amount was not disclosed but is rumored to be in the seven figures. No further details were given except to say Gingrich had been hired as a historian and motivational speaker.