Written by Gregamemnon
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Sunday, 11 March 2012

image for Know-It-All Teenager Informs Friends Sex Is When The Man Jizzes On The Woman's Tits
Nobody actually uses condoms, says Daniel. They only tell us that so we don't cum on girls' boobs and get them pregnant.

PALO ALTO--In the age of the internet, few things get by the average wise-ass teenager, especially not the secrets of sex and reproduction. So when local 14-year-old Daniel Weatherby correctly guessed his mother's site blocker password to be her cat of 6 years, Pumpkin, there was nothing more keeping him from the truth.

"I don't care what Mrs. Guster from 8th grade health class told us," said Daniel, "the man clearly ejaculates on the woman's breasts. But not before she licks his penis for a little while first. The videos are pretty conclusive on that."

According to several reports from the cafeteria, Daniel informed all his friends of the shocking revelation the very next day at recess, much to their apparent disgust. "Gross," said Daniel's weird friend, Kevin, who then proceeded to make a face very similar to the one he made that time his parents forced him to try cottage cheese for the first time.

"I knew that," said self-professed cool kid, Kyle. "My big brother Mark told me. He's had the sex before with his girlfriend, Stefanie. He jizzes on her tits all the time."

When questioned by resident nerd, Peter, on how this leads to the woman getting pregnant, Daniel simply replied, "The videos I watched didn't get to that part, but there was one with two busty nurses in it. I'm sure that one will clear things up."

As of press time, Daniel's father was seen going through the family computer's history, and screaming something about having "the talk."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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