Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: oregon

Tuesday, 14 March 2006

image for Demonic Possessions of PC's on the Rise
"PC possession is on the rise."

Lois Chapman, of Tilamook, Oregon thought all of her computer problems would be over when she bought her new system, but she was wrong.
"This damn thing is possessed, I'm convinced of it. I've had trouble with it since the moment I plugged the little monster in. First off, the printer started spitting out pictures of black pentagrams." She also stated that the computer re-boots in the middle of what ever she is doing and gives her a blue screen with a skull silhouette in the middle of it.
"The Geek Squad (tech support) has stopped taking my calls. The last time I spoke with them they said that I don't need tech support, I need a exorcist."
The "Squad" may not be at all wrong. Dr. Ima Spook of the Institute of Psycho Technology reports that he has assembled a team of techno exorcists, skilled in PC demonic removal for unresolved PC possession.
"When all else has failed, we are the next and last phone number you need to call," he said. Dr. Spook reports that the incidents of total PC possession are on the rise in this country. "We are having a hard time getting to all the people who need our services. We may have to train more staff if things don't slow down soon. Theories for possible reasons as to why this phenomenon is on the increase, range from a thinning of the veil between our world and the spirit world to a yet undetected disruption in the vibrational level of inter-dimensional rhythms (string theory) frankly, I blame George W. Bush.It's easier than getting into a lengthy metaphysical discussion with our PC Clients. They are suffering and just want the little messengers of Satan removed from their PC's," Dr. Spook said.
"One client related an incident where the demon in his PC booked a trip to a romantic destination for the client and a former girlfriend without the clients knowledge. When his wife found out, she accused him of having an affair. We exorcized that little bugger from the gentleman's PC and made the demon explain the situation to the clients wife and apologize for any trouble that it may have caused the couple," Dr. Spook explained.
Another man reported that he kept getting black under wire bras with "DD" cups in the mail. "I live alone and I don't have a girlfriend, the man said, so I have to blame it on a poltergeist with a breast fetish. I opted for the full system entity removal exorcism and haven't had a problem since."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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