Washington DC - First Hellfire Tabernacle of Dupont Circle pastor the Reverend Tobias P Throttlefrotter will conduct Holy Supplication at next week's White House prayer breakfast meeting between President Obama and UK PM David Cameron.
An awesome record of dispensing succor (sic) under Bill Clinton the former presidential chaplain honed his hotline-to-the-Almighty skills erasing tricky spiritual floors (sic) arising from the Monica Lewinsky malarkey.
Next week Pastor T will hear confession from the two powerful leaders ahead of traditional Hellfire hair-shirt atonement and absolution rituals at a Camp David birthing - er...birching! - sauna to cleanse their minds of impure thoughts.
"Normally these men are held back from rampaging sin by grace of their holy wedlock vows to Michelle and Samantha," the Reverendo tweeted at lunchtime today.
"But God only knows what they might get up to in the Queen's Bedroom at the White House if 'swinging London' stories are anything to go by."
The lavish monarchial suite's canopied four poster can comfortably fit six as long 'as they're not Rosie O'Donnell or Oprah sized'.
Of course the Camerons may eschew such overt temptation and hunker down at the British embassy where the 10ft square waterbed is said to be filled with dew drops harvested from around the Prince Diana Fountain in London's Hyde Park.
Valerie Jarrett is still 69.