Written by Chrissy Benson
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Thursday, 8 March 2012

image for Obama Points Out that Nation's Lack of Jobs Is Evidence of American Productivity and Efficiency: "We get our jobs done."
Obama says, "Let's celebrate!"

Throughout his reelection campaign, President Obama has remained unfazed by Republican accusations that the American economy has deteriorated significantly during his presidency. Despite record-high unemployment levels and the constant charge that "there are no jobs," Obama recently called for a spirit of optimism and even joy.

"People say, 'Joy? In this ecomony?' To which my response is, 'Precisely in this economy.' We keep hearing - in the media, from citizens, from rabble-rousers and demagogues - that there no jobs. And I'm not disputing that. There are no jobs, it's true. And that's not necessarily a bad thing.

"People are missing the obvious here. The reason that there are no jobs is that we Americans get our jobs done. Our work is finished, we've addressed our responsibilities, crossed off everything on our to-do list. And that's a good thing. A great thing. Now, it's time for us to relax. We can finally take a long-deserved breather. And feel really, really good about all we've accomplished.

Obama went on to suggest that the markedly low unemployment rates in such regions as Southeast Asia and Switzerland are a symptom of inefficiency.

"Yes, they're working hard - the Asians, the Swiss. They're not lazy, these people. They have a solid work ethic, which is to be admired. But the fact that in this day and age, after all that hard labor, they're still slaving away, to me says something about efficiency, or lack thereof. It's a testament to Americans' productivity and efficiency that there are increasingly fewer jobs to be done in the United States.

"And that right there is exactly why we needn't worry about corporations outsourcing or farming out jobs to foreign countries. Our work is getting done, and when the work is done, the jobs fall away. That's the natural circle of economics, the natural circle of life. It's as it should be.

"Everyone knows that we Americans know how to work. To get the job done. And fortunately, not only do we know how to work, we also know how to play. The time has come for us to party.

"And what's always the best party? The after-party. Or to use another analogy, which I think is quite apt, you have the 'before,' and you have the 'after.' The 'after' is always better. We, the Democratic Party, are the After Party. And you're invited. Come on down and join us. Let's celebrate!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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