Written by Gregamemnon
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Wednesday, 7 March 2012

image for Ancient Civilization Accurately Predicts When Their Calendar Will End
The Mixtec calendar was the first recorded use of cuneiform to describe images of scantily clad women posing on sports cars.

MEXICO CITY-People around the world are now saying "Mayan who?" as it appears that the ancient civilization known as the Mixtec have miraculously foretold the exact time and day when their calendar will come to an end.

The Mixtec, who originated in a Mesoamerican region just south of the Mayans, created a highly elaborate and sophisticated calendar for their time, one that tracked the movement of the stars and other celestial bodies and helped them arrive at the seemingly random end date of March 5, 2012. That was two days ago, and they couldn't have been more right, as their outdated and irrelevant calendar ceased to tell pretty much nobody anymore what day it was.

"I'm in awe," said Historian Dr. Pam Gaver. "I just don't have any explanation for how they knew this was going to be the day their calendar was going to end. No explanation at all." Said her colleague, Dr. Charles Hoker, "I remember looking at the calendar the day after it expired and thinking, what day is it? Of course it was a Tuesday, but they wouldn't have known that."

Theories on how they were able to predict such a phenomenon range from running out of room to carve on the giant stone tablet they used, to a divine intervention of Teocúlahátan, the feathered serpent god of chastity and premature ejaculation.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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