Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 6 March 2012

image for Limbaugh's Controversial Show May be Saved with New Sponsors
Limbaugh, a man who knows how to eat his own foot, and carry plenty of groceries.

With current sponsors running away from Rush Limbaugh thanks to his latest flap unfairly targeting one woman who appeared in front of congress, Rush Limbaugh's publicist is running just as fast to find a new series of sponsors.

Without many options left for sponsorship or friendship, the Limbaugh management team has had to take what sponsorship they can get. "Yes, the pickings are a bit slim", says Limbaugh's assistant publicist, Hugh Lyonsak, "Even his conservative republican congressional friends are leaving skid marks on the pavement as they head for the hills".

But, with great tribulation comes great opportunity. Some sponsors have spotted an open door to get their product message out, while contracting Limbaugh to carry the precise marketing message. "Some of the sponsors are asking for quite a lot, actually. But we are considering every option at this point", says Lyonsak.

Women's product executives were the first to spot the opportunity, and are demanding verbal lead-ins to their canned advertising. Messengill Disposable Douche will have Rush introduce the ad by proclaiming, "Nothing makes me feel as clean and fresh as Messengil in the morning". Pamprin product introductions include a lead-in statement that reads, "When I get that once a month bloated feeling, Pamprin really works for me".

Apart from a little payback demanded by women's product sponsors, other advertisers are looking to cash in on reduced radio advertising rates for Limbaugh's show as well. There were unconfirmed reports that Dick's Sporting Goods has provided a solid advertising buy provided Rush would agree to say "I love Dick's" at spontaneous moments averaging 3 per hour.

Feeling the pressure and backlash of his latest publicity grabbing moment, Limbaugh still doesn't understand what all the fuss is truly about. "Rush is really not a homophobic, anti-Semitic, misogynistic, racist. He just doesn't care for those groups very much", says Lyonsak.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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