DURANGO, Colorado - Students at Durango Junior College were jumping up and down with joy when they learned that a state judge had issued a ruling that students at Colorado colleges and universities will now be allowed to carry handguns on campus.
Archie "Bullets" Worthmix president of the Durango Junior College Student Federation stated that it is a happy day in the Rocky Mountain State because now everyone knows that the age old tradition of campus bullies will go the way of the black lawn jockey statues of the 50s.
The dean of DJC Mulholland F. Fishfurst stated to a reporter with The Durango Bango Gazette that he truly believes that enrollment at his junior college will actually be increasing by at least 20 percent as out-of-state students from nearby New Mexico will soon be enrolling at DJC since they will now all be allowed to carry firearms on campus.
Dean Fishfurst noted that it is ironic that the school's mascot is nicknamed The Gunslingers. He pointed out that last year there were several petitions being distributed on the campus wanting to drop the violent-sounding name Gunslingers and replacing it with the more non-violent name of The Durango JC Ducks.
The school's board of educators did issue a directive that student's will not be allowed to have more than 30 bullets in their possession. Violators will have their guns confiscated and returned after a 24-hour period.
One DJC professor of sociology, Dr. Wendell Braustondorf, III, upon hearing of the guns on campus bill, remarked that every student attending his classes will now get a passing grade no matter what.
In a related story. Other states such as Oklahoma, Kansas, and Massachusetts are now seriously considering similar gun carrying bills for their colleges and universities.