NEW YORK CITY - As everyone knows by now, the only reason why Rush Limbaugh apologized for calling Georgetown University coed Sandra Fluke a "slut" and a "prostitute" was because he was told to do so by the executives who sign his $50 million a year pay check.
The radio talk show host, who resembles a huge red Valdosta onion reportedly begged his bosses not to make him apologize but he was over ruled and told that he is already responsible for seven advertisers dropping their ads from his show.
Mistletoe Bulova, a reporter with the publication The Political Drive Thru Window wrote in her column, "As they say in Iowa, 'Limbaugh's goose is cooked!'"
Another publication GOPicky Magazine had headlines that read, "Put a fork in old Rushy boy - he's done!"
And it is no secret that all four leading GOP presidential candidates have all condemned the GOP mouthpiece. Mitt Romney reportedly said that Limbaugh talks without thinking and as a result he ends up with his size 13 Nike in his mouth.
Rick Santorum pointed out that Rush needs to learn once and for all that no one in America gives a hoot owls hoot what he thinks except maybe for his wife, his maid, and his little puppet, the talk show host formerly known as Glenn "Crybaby" Beck.
Newt Gingrich remarked that Rush has no sense of commonisitic sensitivity and acts like he owns the airwaves.
And 76-year-old Ron Paul giggled and said that Limbaugh and his female counterpart Ann Coulter need to go off in some "Red State" motel somewhere and attempt to breed.
President Obama allegedly said, "I'll tell y'all one thing, dat Rush Limbaugh for too long has gotten away wiff saying all kinds of dumb ass stuff and it has finally come back on da boy big time, uh huh, fa shizzle ma nizzle as my good friend Michael "Basketballs" Jordan says."
According to the Chicago advertising firm of Yonkerfax, Hoogoo, & Affenwich Limbaugh will probably end up losing every single one of his sponsors except for one.
YH&A stated that the only advertiser that will most probably stay with "El Rusho" is Preparation H. A spokesperson for the company, Wandalynn Sue Cakebread, 47, stated that literally millions of people throughout America are referring to Limbaugh as a big old a*s and when they do they will invariably think about their product.
FOOTNOTE: Tittle Tattle Tonight is reporting that Rush Limbaugh's bosses are hurriedly preparing yet another non-apology apology for Limbaugh to read over the air. This one will supposedly refer to Limbaugh having bumped his head on his microphone just before he made his sarcastically assinine remark.