Written by Pablo Gurko
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Sunday, 4 March 2012

image for Poll reveals 63% of nation's douchebags offended by the term "douchebag"
Future douchebag

According to a CNN/USA Today poll, 63 percent of surveyed douchebags hold a negative connotation to the term "douchebag". "I find that the term is outdated, and needs a change as it no longer captures the essence of what makes our people unique" says Vinny Sanducci , a second generation douchebag, while shopping at the Ed Hardy outlet store in Orlando. Perhaps the term "Assclown" fits the newer generation better", says Sanducci.

The poll also revealed preferences based on the douchebag's regionality, with east coast douchebags preferring the term "douchenozzle, west coasters preferring "jackwiper", and industrious midwesterners preferring "tool"'. Interestingly, New Englanders revealed their British heritage by preferring the classic term "wanker".

"We have the power to define ourselves", says rapper Kanye West, widely considered by many as the inspirational leader and spokesman for the world douchebag community.

Accordinng to the survey, other favorites being considered include "chode", "douchelord"' and "Hummer driver".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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