Written by Gail Farrelly
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Topics: Monkey, Zoo

Thursday, 8 March 2012

image for Monkey House at Bronx Zoo Closed; Monkeys Furious
Where will he live?

"I don't get it," said one of the displaced monkeys. "The Monkey House had landmark status, but we can't live there anymore? Go figure. What kind of monkey business is this?"

The monkeys agree that, overall, humans are just plain obnoxious -- treating monkeys horribly in laboratory research, sending them into outer space, and thinking it's perfectly acceptable to stare at them while sticking out their tongues and/or making funny faces.

"But taking away our home?" a monkey said. "This goes beyond bad manners, bullying, or abuse. It is nothing less than a clear-cut case of robbery!"

Another monkey, packing his belongings in shopping bags, said that he was appalled to read that Wildlife Conservation Society officials were claiming that the closing of the Monkey House is "part of the zoo's evolution." In disgust, the monkey shook his head from side to side and said, "Hogwash." Then he continued, "HELLO, who knows more about evolution than us?"

An older monkey (they call him "the professor") wearing glasses and an academic cap ended the chatter of the monkeys by telling them to remember what Voltron said, "The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity."

That's telling 'em.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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