Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 4 March 2012

image for The Real Reason Why Rush Limbaugh Apologized To Sandra Fluke For Calling Her A "Slut"
Rush Limbaugh smoking one of his imported 12-inch cigars. (Photo courtesy of Ann Coulter)

NEW YORK CITY - Well it now appears that Rush Limbaugh has crawfished (back pedaled) and issued an apology for calling Georgetown University coed Sandra Fluke a "slut."

The radio talk show host who usually has a 12-inch cigar sticking out of his arrogant, hate-spewing mouth sat down with his attorney Lafferty "Alfalfa" Zipperhead of the Rhode Island law firm of Chang, Cervantes, Zipperhead, & Quackowitz and decided that he better apologize for making his extremely derogatory remark.

Never mind that seven of his sponsors including Cellulite-Be-Gone Cream and Wrinkles Away Lotion have already dropped their ads from his radio show which is broadcast daily in 17 states plus the countries of Nicaragua, Cambodia, and Lower Zamgola.

Limbaugh, who looks like the world's largest Cabbage Patch Doll, told Amos Soursuckle of GOPicky Magazine that he did not mean to call Miss Fluke a "slut" and that what he really meant to call her was a "mut" which sounds a lot like the word "slut."

He added that he felt that the word "mut" was appropriate because of the fact that it appeared that when he saw Miss Fluke talking on television she reminded him of a little barking Chihuahua dog.

The GOP mouthpiece was quick to point out that he meant a male Chihuahua dog and not a female Chihuahua dog which is called a b*tch.

Sinclair Petaluma with Political Salad Bar Magazine stated that he learned from one of Limbaugh's unnamed close friends that the real reason why "El Rusho" decided to apologize was not because he was losing his sponsors.

The unnamed close friend stated that Limbaugh caved in an decided to apologize only after he had received a phone call from President Barack Obama.

The source stated that the president had made it abundantly clear to Limbaugh that if he did not apologize and apologize quick that he was going to have the CIA, the FBI, and the IRS scrutinize everything that he has done 24/7 within the past two years.

The president let it be known that if anything was found to be of a questionable nature Mr. Limbaugh would find himself having to answer to the United States Attorney General.

The unnamed close friend stated that Limbaugh turned as red as the reddest, ripest Pittsburgh tomato and immediately sat down to write his letter of apology.

Nine minutes later he phoned President Obama and read him the apology he had written and asked him if it met with his approval.

The president reportedly replied that it sure as hell did and he assured him that he would immediately call off Operation Scrutinize El Rusho With A Fine-Tooth Comb.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: In keeping with the Federal Name Disclosing Act of 1959, the name of Rush Limbaugh's close friend is Birchton "Budweiser" Bridesnuggle who resides at 9703 Attila The Hun Avenue in Long Island, New York.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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