Written by Adam Click
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Topics: Afghanistan, US Navy

Sunday, 27 May 2012

image for Navy Launches Dog Carrier
Prepare to launch! The USS Rover can launch over 50 dogs an hour.

The United States Navy has launched the first in a series of dog carriers. The USS Rover is able to launch fifty dogs an hour at enemy targets as far as seventy five miles away.

It joins a fleet of Cat-a-Boats which can launch a cat a minute for up to 55 minutes at a range of twenty nine nautical miles. Both dog carriers and Cat-a-Boats are operating off the coast of southern Afghanistan.

The low pitched howl of an incoming dog or the equally annoying, high-pitched screech of a launched cat is a terrifying sound for any enemy combatant, but is especially so for those we are fighting at the moment.

"You launch a barrage of howling Afghan hounds at Afghanies and you'll get quite a reaction." explained Major General Howzitz of the Northern Command and Dog Pound. "Those big dogs really pack a punch."

Just how big of a punch? Prisoner Of War, Aymara Hussein Gimca, of Club Gitmo tells of one incident where he and another combatant had sought shelter in a Yurt during an American assault: "We were cowering in a corner of this bombed out hut when our friend hurries in with severe bites on his legs."

"What's going on?" I asked. He said: "It's brutal out there ! It's raining cats and dogs and I just stepped in a poodle!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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