In a move that stunned even hard boiled Capitol watchers, the GOP dominated House of Representatives introduced legislation late today to allow employers to deny restroom access to female employees.
The sponsor of the bill, Congressman Eric Cantor said on introducing the bill: "For too long, industry in this country has been at the mercy of female employees who have wasted millions of dollars by going to the restroom. Studies have shown that these women go there for many purposes other than what is intended. These facilities are graciously provided by their employers and not meant to provide an opportunity to powder the noses, hitch up the hose, apply perfume to smell like a rose, or look in the mirror and strike up a pose! If women really want equal opportunity,they will stop the frivolous wasting of money and spend the same amount of time in the John as men!"
As members of the press corps looked on in shock, Cantor continued: "To this end, pardon the expression, new work place rules dictate that each female facility will be monitored by male employees who make up the Coalition of the Willing from each company. These men will donate their time and talent to act as monitors."
A reporter from Politico shouted: "With all due respect Congressman, isn't this a bit intrusive on women's rights?"
Reporter: "Isn't this intrusive on women's rights?"
Cantor: "They have the right to remain silent. That's about it! Furthermore, a provision of the bill regards maternity leave. Any woman who requests leave will be subject to a vaginal ultrasound conducted by a panel of the Coalition of the Willing, and must provide a complete statement and video detailing how and why she became pregnant."
Reporter: "This is outrageous and disgusting!
Cantor:"Let he who is without sin...."
In related news, Senator Roy Blunt of Missouri added an amendment to the bill when it was introduced in the Senate. The amendment states that bullying of homosexual high school students is a right protected under the first amendment.
As news of the legislation exploded on TV and the internet, You Tube reports it has had a million hits on its site showing Rush Limbaugh burning his bra on air.