GIDDEEYUP TX (ABSNN) -- A 75-yesr-old Marlboroite sister, Mary Agnes Agony, reportedly gave birth to a fully developed 10-year-old child Sunday afternoon "after only ten-minutes of labor," said Fr. Mack Beth, the OB-GYN surgeon who delivered the child.
"I cannot understand the mind of the Creator," said the physician. "Not only is she 75, the child 10, but I gave her a physical last week and I'll state emphatically that she was still a virgin, plus she dammed well wasn't pregnant."
Were those facts not enough to stun the entire community of sisters, the child refused milk and demanded communion wine which he drank until he passed out, said sources who wished to remain unnamed.
The same sources claim the child will occassionally awaken only long enough for a shot or three of dry vermouth. "And it's less than five-hours old!"
The Vatican issued this terse statement at 5:30 p.m. CST:
"We've had quite enough miracles from Texas lately, and we have grown tired of defending the claims out of that particular, if not peculiar, convent. Only two weeks ago the Blessed Virgina allegedly appeared in an egg yolk. We could not confirm that miracle because the cook scambled the egg, stupid woman!"
The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms is waiting to interview all concerned.
Mobs of believers have choked the two lane asphalt road into town. Mother and child are doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances.