After failed attempts to have Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie wedded as well as other such fictional characters as Heckle and Jeckle, Tom and Jerry, Popeye and Brutus and Larry the Leisure Suit, to himself that is, which would be really gay when you think about it, the group, Homosexuals All Abound Around the Ground, HAAAG, has managed to get historians to agree to create gay marriages of men and women throughout history in order to show that gay marriage has been around forever. HAAAG has announced the re-write should be done in time for this year's 4th of July Holiday.
"What a lot of people don't realize is the father of our country, George Washington, was actually married to England's King George III in a secret ceremony at Disneyland in 1773 shortly after the two met at a Madonna Concert", Stated HAAAG lead historian, Lenny Fairy. "Unfortunately, while King George III was back in England, George Washington had an illicit affair with one of the Indians from the Boston Tea Party and someone actually filmed it and put it on YouTube. King George III was livid when he saw the clip, especially, the part where Washington lets the Indian wear King George III's underwear".
"What makes true history so much more interesting is that King George III had multiple personalities and one of them happened to be Martha Washington. Being married to both King George III and Martha Washington at the same time made George Washington a polygamist. Being both Martha Washington and King George III and married to George Washington made King George III just really fucking weird. It's a damn good thing King George III lost the war because I don't think anyone could fathom what this country would be like if he had won".
"Apparently things were quite awkward in their relationship because on one hand you have George Washington blowing the crap out of King George III's army and trying to sink all of his ships, while on the other hand, George Washginton and George III are secretly rendezvousing in Mount Vernon with George III as Martha and George Washington as himself. Man the more you think about it, George Washington really fucked the crap out of George III".
"There are, also, unconfirmed rumors that King George III was George Washington's private water boy, Bubba, when Washington was stationed at Valley Forge. We're still looking into this".
"This is so exciting", exclaimed HAAAG supporting historian, Randy Phase. "The more you look at history, the more you realize that everyone was gay, which makes you wonder why there are any heterosexual people alive today".
In other news, HAAAG historians, Lenny Fairy and Randy Phase have announced their engagement which so many saw coming, seeing how found they are of each other and the fact that Randy is Lenny's alter ego.