Written by Caleb Betton
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Tuesday, 21 February 2012

image for Americans Quickly Losing Faith in Politicians: Emilio Estevez Accidentally Surges in Polls
Former Junior Ducks coach has been gaining support among the majority of American voters.

WASHINGTON D.C.-- In a recent Rasmussen poll, 4% of registered American voters can name any one of the ballot candidates running for President, including current President Barack Obama. This indicates that America has lost hope in the traditional two-party politics that we are used to.

Meanwhile, former actor Emilio Estevez has surged to 92%.

"Well, I wasn't running for office at any point, but I think Americans are really waking up," Estevez told reporters. "I am a fascist and that seems to be what America has been looking for, especially in the last few years."

Spoof reporters asked Lyla Banks, one of Estevez's supporters, about his fascist policies.

"I don't know what fascism is. All I know is that if he can coach his college JV hockey team to victory against the varsity team, he can run a country just fine," Banks replied. It also should be noted that Lyla Banks is the mother of the fictional character Adam Banks (the kid who hurts his wrist in one of the Mighty Ducks movies).

So far, it is unclear who Estevez would choose as his running mate, should he secure the nomination. Many experts are suggesting that while his brother Charlie Sheen would be a good choice, he will likely end up choosing Rob Lowe because he starred alongside him in "St. Elmo's Fire".

Reporters tried to contact Lowe for an interview on numerous occasions, but he has been too busy filming his own biopic,"Not Without My Stardom," which is set to be released in March of 2016.

Estevez is scheduled to appear in his first nationally televised Presidential debate this Thursday by himself on CMT.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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