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Monday, 20 February 2012

image for Not So Fast, Homos: Governor Christie Vetoes Same-Sex Marriage Bill
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie

Homosexuals state-wide are putting their wedding registries at Block Party and Andrew Christian on indefinite hold, now that gigantic, half-witted New Jersey Republican Governor Chris Christie has veto a law which would make same-sex marriage legal in New Jersey.

Yes, our Governor...
Is that freaking clueless. And fat.

"We're here, we're queer, we're fabulous, get used to us," said outspoken gay-rights activist Dick Goesinya, apropos of nothing. "Chris Christie is violating our rights to Get married, raise a family of shih-thuz, buy a condo in Ocean Grove and vacation at The Empress in Asbury Park."

"I have nothing against the little turd-f**kers," said Christie while smearing butter and Nutella on an extra-crispy KFC drumstick. "In fact, they should be thanking me. Every time I get sick of the person I'm having sex with, I have to give her 50,000, 75,000 bucks, and then find another lieutenant governor who is willing to bang me. And let me tell you, women like that don't grow on trees."

"All you gays have to do is wash your junk and pray you didn't get the Bug."

Goesinya is also calling for what he refers to as a "Brownout" -- a boycott of all gay sex acts-- to drive his point home.

"Until Governor Christie sees the error of his ways and reverses his veto, we are not having gay sex," said the activist.

"Well, my work is done here," responded Christie.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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