Written by anthonyrosania
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Saturday, 18 February 2012

image for Dead Junkie Snarls Traffic In Newark, NJ
And IIIIIIIIIIIIIII... Am dead. Too soon? (Hilarious comedian John Tosar wrote the joke. I just stole it.)

Those who are compelled to drive through the streets of Newark, whether to go to work, buy cheap meth, or --God forbid-- go home will find traffic ground hopelessly to a halt, this is in the wake of a funeral for a known drug abuser who died last weekend.

This story is clearly not about Whitney...
... Houston, whose corpse also happens to be Exhibit A at a funeral today. Houston, who died Saturday, was never a drug abuser, and certainly would not be host to a funeral in scuzzy ol' Newark.

"F**k," cried 46-year-old D'Frountdowr D'Ainntclosed, who lives in only-slightly-less-shitty Nutley, NJ. "Alls I wanted to do is finish work, use my Families First card to buy malt liquor and a handjob, and go to bed."

"This is some bullsh!t," he concluded, before robbing and savagely beating another man in frustration. 

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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