Written by Charpa93
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Friday, 17 February 2012

image for News of Cheap, Effective Contraceptive has Women Applauding Santorum Supporter
Damn, where did that aspirin go?

The news out of Michigan this morning is that not all women in America are angry at Santorum financial backer, Foster Friess for stating that a safe and effective form of birth control for women is a simple aspirin placed between the knees.

Women were lined up at pharmacies around the country buying up every aspirin tablet they could get their hands on and pharmacists were inundated with questions such as "Will BC Powder work just as effectively if I sprinkle some between my…uhm, legs?" and "What if all I can find is baby aspirin? Will that work as effectively, and if so, do I need to use three at a time?"

The most asked question of all, however, was "Ok, so if we are squeezing an aspirin between our knees, how exactly can we have sex without the aspirin dropping on the bed?"

"Not all of us think Mr. Friess is an unfeeling clod when it comes to women's reproductive rights," said Blossom Tennenbaum, who had been standing in line at her local Walmart Pharmacy for an hour trying to get a rain check for plain aspirin.

"I can't speak for all women," she said, "But for me, this sure beats the hell out of having to remember taking a pill every day."

In a related story, one major aspirin manufacturer is contemplating changing the name of one of its best-selling products from "Baby Aspirin" to Non-Baby Aspirin," to cut down on the confusion created by Friess' suggestion.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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