WASHINGTON, D.C. (UPI) Following the recent congressional hearings on the inclusion of birth control pills under health insurance prescription coverage, republican committee members co-sponsored new legislation to address what they called the "religious freedom" aspects of the insurance coverage. If passed, the new law would prohibit the use of birth control pills unless the woman was married and presented written permission from her husband, as well as her Pastor, Priest, or Rabbi.
While the new bill did not include prison sentences for violating the birth control restrictions, it did specify that unmarried women who were caught trying obtain birth control pills would be forced to wear a chastity belt until their wedding day. Upon presentation of a signed marriage certificate, they would then be allowed to obtain the key to their belt from their nearest republican congressman's office.
When informed of the new bill, Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum exclaimed, "Oh, God... Yes... Yes!" and apparently experienced a spontaneous orgasm.