Written by susan allen-rosario
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Friday, 17 February 2012

image for Newt Gingrich sets off metal detector at New York airport
"I thought she said her name was Maria."

New York, NY. - In an effort to look more like the common man, Newt Gingrich grounded his private jet and booked a commercial fight to his weekend retreat in the Hamptons forcing him to suffer the same pat-downs and rectal probe we all do when we fly.

Not a good move Newt, especially when rumors are swirling about you having a wild and crazy week south of the boarder in T.J.(Tijuana Mexico) Rumor has it that our bad boy Newt was seen at a bar in TJ with a very attractive young senorita on his lap. After several bottles of Tequila, Newt reportedly went for a new tattoo at a local tat shop. Newt who has repeatedly denied these rumors may not be able to any longer after his recent trip to the airport.

"He set the metal detector off like fireworks on the 4th of July. During the follow up pat down and full body scan, an illuminating tattoo of a young woman and the name 'Juanita' was visible under Newt's trousers. We've never seen anything like it. They must have used some kind of metallic ink."

Newt denied knowing anything about it and said there must be some mistake. Sorry, no mistake Newt, as screeners backed him up to a full length mirror for a look see of his own.

"I thought she said her name was Maria," Newt was heard saying to himself.

Shocked on lookers wondered where Mrs. Newt was when the Mr. Newt was out partying.

"Someone said she was strapped to the roof of the car".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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