WASHINGTON D.C. (AP) In a press release issued yesterday, Planned Parenthood announced that it had purchased the Cick-fil-A corporation and would soon begin utilizing locations that are normally closed on Sunday to offer drive through abortions instead of chicken sandwiches and nuggets.
"Monday through Saturday operations will not be affected very much" explained Planned Parenthood spokesperson Emily Litella, "None of the 930 stores with drive-throughs will sell food on Sunday, out of respect for the traditions of original owners. But we will begin a frequent diner card program. After purchasing 10 meals, you can earn a free morning after pill."
The announcement also outlined other planned changes for the popular fast food giant. The official slogan will be changed to, "We Didn't Invent the Chicken, Just the Chicken Sandwich and the Drive-Thru Abortion."
While Chic-fil-A will continue to be a significant sponsor of college football, it will rename Atlanta's Peach Bowl to the "Chic-fil-A-bortion Bowl" to promote a new menu item, "Scrambled Egg and Chicken Breakfast Bowl."