Written by Steve Shaw
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Topics: School, California

Wednesday, 5 November 2003

image for High School Students Protest Basic Equivalency Test
Like, totally!

Los Angeles-At high schools around Southern California today, groups of students gathered to protest what they called the biased, racist testing known as the California High School State Exit Exam. "This test, like, if I fail it, might keep me out of, like, the college I want to go to!" said sophomore Jessica Anderson as she attempted to explain herself through crippling repetitions of the word ‘like.'

State officials met protesting students at schools to counter their arguments and support the test, saying if a student commands a basic knowledge of high school subjects, they would have no need to fear failing the exam. They also pointed out that someone who was in danger of failing the exam probably shouldn't be worried about being accepted into a college of any kind.

"If these kids would simply study, this problem would not exist," explains Jonathan Gallagher, head of the California Board of Education. "We predict that about twenty percent of the kids who take this test will fail. But don't begin thinking negatively! These kids have bright futures, too! They are our garbage men, street sweepers and city officials of tomorrow. This test is in no way intended to make a student feel dumb or slow, it's-well, wait a minute. Maybe it is."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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