Written by Khan
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Tuesday, 28 February 2006

Reliable sources and documents leaked by those sources reveal last night that Bush and Blair are about to bring an end to a long running controversy in the western world i.e. the testing on animals by the pharmaceutical, defence and cosmetics industry (vivisection ). The impetus to bring forward the plans comes from the blood bath that took place between animal rights activists and pro vivisectionists outside Oxford over the weekend.

Animal Rights activist Popie Stroker welcomed the news "it cannot come too soon, experiments on animals are the epitome of cruel, unnecessary, and irrelevant testing. Because animals do not exhibit most human conditions". She added "we have been long campaigning for non animal alternatives to testing. The news that muslims are to replace the animals is a sweet tune we been long waiting to hear." Pro vivisectionist Ms Kattie Strangler also welcomed the alternative "I hope the career of animal rights activist is finally coming to an end, there can be no objection to the cruelty we can subject our fellow human beings and that too muslims".

White House sources confirmed that President Bush and PM Blair consulted each other over the issue in a three hour phone conversation and both were delighted by the results of pilot studies of testing that already has taken place in Abu Gharib prison in Iraq, Bagram base in Afghanistan and Guntanamo bay in Cuba. An anonymous source from the CIA informed us that carefully planned media blitz to publicise the experiments as "abuse of inmates in Abu Gharib prison" yielded excellent results showing that people in the west were plainly indifferent to the plight of anything that is labelled muslim or muslim related. The sources confided that "if the muslims in those pictures and videos are replaced by cats/dogs or rabbits and re-released into the public domain our experts predict rioting on the scale of LA riots, but what we saw in case of muslims was, few wieners with plenty of time on their hands looking for their 15 minutes of fame on TV".

Downing Street was approached for comment but it refused saying "we do not comment on leaked documents". An anonymous source in the Blair cabinet however confirmed the plans in the following terms "initially Tony was reluctant to go ahead and needed one further proof for the complete ambivalence of the British public to the treatment of muslims, after all, Tony argued no matter how degraded and defamed the muslims might be they do bare canning resemblance to human kind". This set into motion a decisive demonstration by British intelligence (SIS) arranging a vicious on camera beating of iraqi children by a gang of racist thugs dressed as British Soldiers. The source added "last month the video was extensively published in the print media and TV. There was not a stir in the conscious of the British public. This was the clincher for Tony".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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