Washington, DC-- Wallis Simpson, the Duchess of Windsor, was given the nation's top honor today--the Congressional Medal of Honor. Ms. Simpson, who died in 1986, was hailed in a White House ceremony as one of the heroes of the 20th Century. She is now credited with saving Great Britain from Fascism, and saving the world from Nazi domination.
Wallis Simpson was many things in her life--wife, socialite, courtesan--and FBI agent. J. Edgar Hoover recruited Mrs. Simpson to work for the FBI, all the way back in 1933.
"Mrs. Simpson volunteered to help her country, and we commend her." said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. "J. Edgar Hoover could see Fascism growing, even in our closest ally, so he sent Mrs. Simpson to stop it." said Mrs. Clinton.
Historians now agree that King Edward VIII was enchanted with Nazism, during the mid 1030's. A pro-Nazi English king sitting on the throne could have done incalculable damage to the Allies.
"Mrs. Simpson was sent to torpedo King Edward's reign." noted Mrs. Clinton. "Wallis Simpson laid down her life, and spread her legs for her country--and we salute her sacrifice." she said.
It's rumored that J. Edgar Hoover gave Mrs. Simpson some sex tips before she left for England. The gay FBI director gave her instructions on how to do the 'Tube Steak Boogie' and the 'Shanghai Squeeze'-- all designed to keep the king happy.
"History used to consider Wallis Simpson a slut, but now we know better." said a teary eyed Mrs. Clinton