Written by Michael Balton
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Thursday, 9 February 2012

image for Congress Strikes Back: Gives Taxpayers a 4% Approval Rating

Washington -- Still stinging from the lowly 10% approval rating it received from the American public, Congress has taken revenge, bestowing a measly four percent approval rating on taxpaying citizens.

"Taxpayers are doing a terrible job of providing the House and the Senate with the resources we need to run America correctly," said one prominent Senator who asked to remain anonymous. "You ask us: 'where are the jobs?' We're asking you: 'where is the cash?' "

The Senator went on to deny the public's charge that Congress can't get together to accomplish anything worthwhile. "Right here is an issue 96% of all Senators and Representatives agree upon. Only 4% of my colleagues believe American taxpayers are holding up their end of the bargain."

A long-term Representative, who asked to remain anonymous, said that American taxpayers are not working as hard as they should because they are being "distracted by the details of democracy.

"They need to let their Congressmen and Senators take care of such things as liberty, justice and freedom. Most of us are lawyers so we know how to work around those issues. Just send us the money and we will make everything okey-dokey."

Another Representative, who asked to remain anonymous, began weeping when questioned about the record low approval rating Congress received this month.

"Sticks and stones can break my bones, but those low approval numbers give me a bad case of the blues. So I'm glad my colleagues had the courage to turn the tables. You suck, taxpayers."

Building on the anti-taxpayer momentum, one Senate leader, who asked to remain anonymous, has drafted a bill "that would make corporations more like people, so they can make up for the increasing number of taxpaying slackers.

"My bill proposes that we give all corporations friendly nicknames, like Fred and Bob. Buy them a cake on their birthdays. Take them out for lunch, even when there's no special occasion. And if some insider stock information is discussed, there's nothing wrong with good friends shooting the breeze."

Also included in the proposed law is a motion that would sell the naming rights to several Washington landmarks. Reportedly, a deal already has been cut with a major bank, renaming Congress' home "The Capital One Capitol."

"What's in your Constitution?" the Senator asked.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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