Washington, DC - President Obama, facing pressure from within his party to cut defense spending while feeling the heat from the GOP to keep America's armed forces strong, launched a major initiative today. The new strategy involves ditching the costly and largely unproved missile defense system, which costs $8 gagillion, and putting in its place the New York Giants defense.
"It is important to keep America strong, "said Obama from the Rose Garden at the White House, "and show the world that America means business. However, I cannot allow the over-budget and unproven missile defense initiative to continue."
Obama then boomed, "But do not mistake this action as a sign of weakness or as a sign of America shirking its international obligations. No, America will be stronger than ever - in fact, we will implement a proven, potent, and cost-effective defensive measure instead. That measure? The New York Giants defense."
Continued Obama, "America - and the world - just witnessed in Super Bowl XLVI the sheer speed and power of the New York Giants defense."
Obama concluded by crowing, "Yes, the Giants defense rendered the aerial attack of the New England Patriots ineffective, causing normally accurate Patriots QB Tom Brady to throw misguided passes and for his sure-handed wide receivers to bobble and drop many balls. Let there be no doubt that the New York Giant defense will do likewise for America, protecting us and our allies from those that mean us harm."