In a startling reverse of policies dating from the Revolutionary period, the U.S. has suspended the constitution and instituted censorship of all satire whether written or spoken. Comedians and writers are left stunned, as much as by facing the need to earn an honest living in these hard times as anything else.
A spokesman for the administration explained today that the move was first considered as a public safety measure. Questionable news outlets were demonstrating a startling lack of basic understanding by scorning "brain stuff like looking stuff up and stuff" by reporting satire, as well as thriller plots, as fact. Clearly, something had to be done if citizen's respect for the fourth estate was to continue and the brains of the powers at the helm were not to explode from the effort of attempting to understand something...anything.
Of course, the second, and perhaps more important stimulus came from the behavior of the current Republican presidential hopefuls. When adults seriously contending for the post of most powerful person in the world aver that they would be subject, as president, to a spouse whose chief activity appears to be "praying away the gay", suggest that school children study toilet scrubbing prior to being shot off to colonize the moon, fail to remember just what it was they want to abolish but they know there were three things, change their positions on an hourly basis depending on the latest poll, draw a blank on the Arab Spring; it's enough.
"We must face facts", the administration said, "There is nothing funny about any of this; they are their own satire. Taking potshots is too easy. The holes in their brains are just too obvious to be exploited. Maybe we'll reconsider when things improve but in the short term...no. We must think of our new policy as a kindness, not a constitutional issue."
Citizens reacted with the apathy the land has come to expect. It is, after all, Super Bowl weekend.