BILLINGSGATE POST: Although most insiders believe that President Obama ordered SEAL Team 6 to execute Osama Bin Laden because of the upcoming Presidential election this November, BILLINGSGATE private investigator, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler, uncovered information from sources deemed "Very Reliable" that the terrorist had recently obtained the original copy of Barack Obama's birth certificate that gave irrefutable proof that Obama was born in Indonesia of Islamic faith.
Although there have been many attempts, some legal and some political, to establish that Barack Hussein Obama lacks the proper citizenship credentials that the Constitution requires to hold the office of president, until now no one has provided proof that his bogus Hawaiian birth certificate is indeed bogus.
That has all changed. BILLINGSGATE's crack investigator, Detrick Detwiler, better known to fellow PI's as "Dirty Trick," was assigned the formidable task of finding the missing link in the Obama birth certificate boondoggle. Dirty Trick had been hearing stories from various sources that members of Seal Team 6 were talking about finding Barack Obama's birth certificate in Osama bin Laden's safe which they examined after snuffing him out on May 2, 2011 at his compound in Pakistan.
Detwiler, knowing that there was a bar in Coronado called McPhee's which was a favorite watering spot of the SEALS, thought that he might pick up some scuttlebutt about Bin Laden's demise if he bought a few rounds for the boys. That's where he met SK2 Ralph "Murky" Waters from Aberdeen, South Dakota. Waters was a member of SEAL Team 6, the select team that was assigned the mission to kill Osama Bin Laden.
Murky was not a man to be trifled with. Having been credited with 26 confirmed kills, not counting a dozen or so near misses where he burbed while pulling the trigger, he was about to retire from the Navy and felt he had nothing to lose by telling Detwiler that he was the one who had personally opened Bin Laden's safe after walking over his bloodied corpse.
This is his story: Reading with his night-vision googles, he said he examined one of the documents which he found in the safe carefully folded so as not to crease the seal of Indonesia.
"Boss, I think we have something here," he said to his Team leader.
Lt. Jasper H. Jennings, Jr., a 2007 Naval Academy graduate with otherwise impeccable credentials, scanned the document and exclaimed, "I knew that Obama must have had some reason for sending us in here."
"Ding-a-ling!" "This is CIA Director, Leon Panetta calling. The Commander-in-Chief is giving you a direct order to bury that birth certificate with Osama Bin Laden when you deep six the bastard tomorror."
"You got that Lieutenant?"
"Aye Aye, Sir."
"Over and out."
NOTE: Both the Pentagon and the CIA would not cooperate with Dirty Trick in this story. Thanks to SK2 "Murky" Waters, we now know why President Obama ordered the execution of Osama Bin Laden.