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Thursday, 29 March 2007

image for Inscription on Statue of Liberty to change
The Statue holding the offending inscription

NY (SN) - President Bush announced today that the inscription on the Staue of Liberty will be changed in order to combat illegal immigration and terrorism. The inscription currently reads:

    "Give me your tired, your poor,
    Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
    The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
    Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
    I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

The new inscription will read:

    "Give me your well-rested, your wealthy,
    Your elite few yearning to spend free,
    The most fortunate of your hotel-dotted shore.
    Send these, the ones with big mansions and expendable income to me.
    I lift my lamp beside the golden door - Just make sure you fill out the proper paperwork"

"We have had too many immigrants and terrorists taking advantage of this inscription for far too long", Bush said in a prepared statement, "We will no longer tolerate these kinds of people coming to our great country, making messes and destroying our nation".

Newly appointed Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff said, "the inscription on the Statue is an open invitation to terrorists that it is OK to attack our country. I am proud to say that for the poor and evil the lamp has been extinguished and the golden door has been slammed shut".

Eduardo Aguirre Jr, who heads the Homeland Security Department's Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services gave some surprising statistics.

"Between 2001 and 2004 we had 3,780,019 immigrants to this country. Of that 3,780,019, almost 90% of them were tired, whether from jet lag or whatever. Over 50% had incomes below $30,000 a year thus qualifying them as poor. Nearly 1/3 were huddled masses. Another 1/3 was wretched refuse from teeming shores. 785,000 were tempest-tossed. Among those tempest-tossed nearly 50% were also homeless! In other words, we are not getting the quality of immigrants this country so desperately needs and deserves. By changing the inscription on the Statue we have effectively told the world we don't want their scum, we don't need them and we won't take them!"

"The 9/11 terrorists were undoubtedly tempest-tossed", said Aguirre . "I suspect some of them were also wretched refuse of the teeming shores of the United Arab Emirates. If they had the money we would welcome them with open arms and let them buy up shipping ports but these terrorist guys are not in that league".

Some people interviewd were not as enthusiastic about the change to the Statue. Long Island businessman Joe Cabrera said, "granted, it doesn't mean anything anymore but it's got sentimental value. I think we should leave it alone".

Halliburton, Inc. will oversee the changes to the Statue. Expected costs for the Statue of Liberty modernization should be around $1.2 billion.

"That's a small price to pay for Freedom", said Halliburton spokesperson Dick Cheney.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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