Written by JAB
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Thursday, 2 February 2012

image for Nancy Pelosi on Newt Gingrich: The 'something' she knows

WASHINGTON, DC --- Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi has told close friends what the "something" is she knows about Newt Gingrich, as a result of her, having served on the investigative committee that looked into ethics charges against the former House Speaker. In recent days some of those friends have anonymously divulged the "something".

As pieced together by these sources it was sometime during the mid-90's, when Mr. Gingrich was Speaker that he and three others would meet at a remote place in Virginia. The three were Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck. All four got heavily involved in cock fighting [cockfighting was legal in Virginia until 2008]. It was "a testosterone -driven, uber macho junk grabbing all out Randy Savage spectacle to see whose cock would win", according to one of Ms. Pelosi's friends. Mr. Hannity in losing would always say, "it's an Irish thing", while, Mr. Limbaugh claimed his cock was the only legal one, Mr. Beck would whine, that at least his cock wasn't a birther. However, it was Mr. Gingrich, who affectionately called his cock, Fannie, that became ethically challenged. "He had a primordial stare that gave everyone an atavistic fear of being caught in a sauna with Newt if the lights went out, "according to the source.

Apparently, Mr.Gingrich on more than one occasion, tried to talk President Bill Clinton, and Congressman Anthony Weiner to join their mano-a-mano soirees. Both declined, saying, if they were into cock fighting they would want them only to make love not war.

When asked to comment on 71 year old grandmother Ms. Pelosi's claims, Mr. Gingrich said, " I think it's despicable that anyone who has had Botox fillers injected into the side of her mouth to keep her looking fresh can't have something come out of her mouth that is likewise fresh instead of this desperate baloney."

Messieurs Limbaugh, Hannity and Beck ignored a request for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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