To alleviate fears that Mitt Romney is out of touch with the American poor, staffers today fanned out around the country to deliver soundbites designed to show how much he really cares:
Las Vegas - "Mitt really does care about the safety net. He has an excellent 2lb test line he uses for trout fishing in the Andes Mountains once a year, that would be perfect for mending holes in the net."
Little Rock - "Mitt was simply concerned that he would not have time as president to serve all Americans, so he is concentrating on the middle, but he promises to spend all his spare time on the poor and an invalid."
Chicago - "Mitt met some homeless people the other day and offered to give them his refigerator box from his brand new $4000.00 refrigerator/freezer/cappucino/slushy machine."
Los Angelos - "Mr Romney is really concerned about the average poor American and their access to programs to help them. He promises on his first day in office to march down the mall in D.C. to make sure the Lincoln Memorial is fairly accepting people to view the monument, regardless of their incomes!"
Spokeswoman Gloria Bachman said, "This campaign is about all people who have money, no matter how small the amount. A person giving 25 cents to this campaign, will be treated the same as someone giving $25000...provided of course they have the proper attire to where to our campaign headquarters to make the donation."