McLEAN, Va. - The nation is in utter shock to learn this week that the taxpayer-owned mortgage giant, Freddie Mac, is actually out to turn a profit.
For the past two years, Freddie Mac has been placing multibillion-dollar bets that homeowners won't be able to repay their loans early by refinancing.
Harfold State College professor of clerical services, Paula Jenkins, says that the U.S. shouldn't be all that surprised that companies like Freddie Mac are Satanic, but the evil fallen angel himself it is not.
"The idea that Freddie Mac makes more money if we can't pay off our loans early shouldn't come as a surprise.
"But why do we get so mad at Freddie? Sure, they charge 6.8% when a mortgage should only cost 4%. Why don't we get mad instead at Visa and MasterCard? They charge 19.99% for the "privilege" of spending their money.
"And hey, if we default on our monthly "loan," they charge us $35 and raise the APR to 30.49%. You want your Satan? He's hiding in your plastic."