It was a peaceful opening night at Joan, a short-lived New York restaurant owned by the family of pop singer, Lady Gaga. Thankfully, no customers nor staff sustained any serious injuries; as well a team of seismologists was called in to prove that there was in fact no earthquake.
An undeniably attention-seeking Little Monster was dining with three friends when she for no apparent reason shouted the one word you never shout in a restaurant. We all know what that is. Yes, that word. No, not pie. Yes, rat.
This woman's remark caused a chain reaction which slowly brought the restaurant down one bit at a time. After being presented with her ostrich bolognese meal, the waiter Derek, reported that her scream was audible from the supposedly-soundproof kitchen. The damage didn't end there. One chef, who was in the process of preparing a banana split became tense and dropped the peel on the ground. A waitress, wearing Gaga's Noritaka heels then took a massive spill (similar to the one Mother Monster took at Heathrow airport)on the peel and in turn knocked over a series of twenty wine bottles, fourteen jars of signature hand-picked Germanotta tomato sauce, and ten bottles of olive oil. This trail of damage happened to cross the path of one chef frying several large pieces of prosciutto when he accidentally flung it in the direction of the head chef, Art Sim who tripped and landed face first in a gigantic pot of boiling spaghetti sauce.
Then and there, everyone panicked and customers began piling out at the speed of light. Although a few customers remained in the restaurant, they were forced to evacuate immediately after a giant wedding cake exploded inside the dining area.
Mercifully, all cooking devices were turned off and fires were prevented, although the Germanottas have decided that it might be wise to purchase a fire extinguisher if they are to ever open another restaurant again.
Unfortunately, the NYPD still cannot identify the woman who shouted the word because of her Gaga-disguise and all three of her friends were dressed the same. Clearly she was an imposter as Gaga herself was performing in Los Angeles at the time. "That night my mother called me screaming and when I asked what was wrong she couldn't answer but just sent me a link. She was utterly disappointed and speechless so all I heard were wordless screams." Gaga recalls. Although Gaga's ashamed of the destruction to her parents' restaurant, she does like to see the humourous side of things claiming "Well, at least I could use that left over prosciutto as another dress at the Grammies." she reasoned.
According to reports, over $750 000 damage had been caused to the newly renovated Joan and its source currently remains unretrievable.