MIAMI BEACH, FLA. -- Shocked Republican leaders swarmed outside a swanky, 25-story beachside condo today, each seeking audience with the Sunshine State's newly named Republican nominee for U.S. President -- famous movie actor Johnny Depp. The unruly crowd numbered at least two hundred. Local police erected wooden barriers in the condominium's marble lobby.
"We've had write-in candidates win elections before," said Jeb Bush, a former Governor of Florida. "But this guy receiving over two million handwritten votes is almost unbelievable. The whole party is flabbergasted."
According to a source inside Depp's circle, Johnny was "quite surprised" by the news. The recently separated actor, who lives most of the year in France, had no idea his appearance on a local Miami television talk show would produce so strong a response, this source told The Spoof.
"We think it was his comment -- a joke, really -- that the whole District of Columbia, including Congress, should be given back to the American Indians."