Written by Jack Getze

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Sunday, 29 January 2012

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Johny's Cousins

MIAMI BEACH, FLA. -- Shocked Republican leaders swarmed outside a swanky, 25-story beachside condo today, each seeking audience with the Sunshine State's newly named Republican nominee for U.S. President -- famous movie actor Johnny Depp. The unruly crowd numbered at least two hundred. Local police erected wooden barriers in the condominium's marble lobby.

"We've had write-in candidates win elections before," said Jeb Bush, a former Governor of Florida. "But this guy receiving over two million handwritten votes is almost unbelievable. The whole party is flabbergasted."

According to a source inside Depp's circle, Johnny was "quite surprised" by the news. The recently separated actor, who lives most of the year in France, had no idea his appearance on a local Miami television talk show would produce so strong a response, this source told The Spoof.

"We think it was his comment -- a joke, really -- that the whole District of Columbia, including Congress, should be given back to the American Indians."

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