Salt Lake City - Security here at the Salt Lake City Airport detained a toddler after an officer smelled "a potential terrorist substance" coming from the child's diaper.
One year-old Christopher Billingsly, known as Teddy Bear to those who love him, was sleeping in his car seat on the floor at the security checkpoint when a security guard yelled for him to "stop right there, you!" When Christopher did not comply the officer turned him over and cuffed him.
"I told him to stop," said Robert Alberta, 45, a security officer for a whole two months. "He just ignored me, sucking his little thumb and pretending to be sleeping. But I could smell what I believed to be a bomb-making substance coming from the boy's diaper. What else could smell like that?"
Christopher's mother, Rita Billingsly, 37, was shocked to learn that her son could possibly be smuggling a terrorist bomb in his diaper.
"He stole a cookie from the table once," says the mother, "but this? I would never have expected this! How did he get it into his diaper? I don't know. I'm just glad Officer Alberta was there to over-react with paranoia and oppress even the most obvious non-threats in order to protect us from an enemy that could strike anywhere at any time and kill every human on the planet. Thank you Officer Alberta!"
Christopher was taken to the main security office and interrogated.
"Oh, the kid was good!" Stated Officer Alberta. "We asked him who he worked for and what was hidden in his diaper. All he would say was 'goo-goo ga-ga' and 'fum-bizz da-da.' We knew it was some sort of code talk among terrorist."
During questioning, Christopher was reported to have lost his temper when he began to cry, grabbed his rattle and threw it on the ground.
"He was very violent," says Alberta.
Christopher is still being held in detention while authorities wait for specialists to figure out what the strange "brownish-green substance" is in his diaper.
"Ba-ba, kookie, ma-ma-ma!" said Christopher.
"Wow," says Alberta. "The monsters are getting younger everyday. You just can't be too careful."