Written by Zabdgrov667
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Friday, 27 January 2012

image for Nancy Pelosi's "Secret" About Newt Revealed
Did this man treat DC Politicians like filthy, blood-sucking vermin?

WASHINGTON, DC - A Congressional aide claims to know the "secret" which Nancy Pelosi (D-California) keeps threatening to reveal. Unfortunately, revealing the "secret" could have the "unintended consequence" of making Newt Gingrich more popular with voters. Furthermore, carrying out her threat would require violating Ethics Rules, Federal Election Law, and rights guaranteed under the US Constitution. In simplest terms, Pelosi has "proof" that Gingrich was "very, very, very, very MEAN" to politicians in the US Congress.

"Skippy" (Senate Intern, 1995): These days, the US Congress has an Approval Rating of 9%, but back when people didn't hate them half as much, Newt Gingrich routinely humiliated politicians in Washington, DC. I guarantee that everyone in Congress is totally afraid of Newt coming back. If Pelosi has video and releases it, the sight of mealy-mouthed, Congressional bone-heads being tormented by a pudgy, grey-haired man will have people laughing for hours, and Newt will become an Internet sensation. It would probably give him the election on a silver platter.

One rumor concerns several members of the House of Representatives whimpering over how impossible and completely unrealistic it would be to have a "Balanced Budget." Apparently, Newt stretched out his arm toward them, saying "I find your lack of faith disturbing," and that's when one of them started choking and almost fell to the floor unconscious.

The long-standing war between Newt and "The Establishment" insiders of Washington, DC could be the most bitter and intense that anyone can remember. There is a growing belief among political experts that Newt violated "Secret Codes." Essentially, DC politicians "have different laws" where they will never go to jail for things like Insider Trading or refusal to pay taxes, but they do have "rules."

X (liaison to Illuminati): It really is obvious.... A Balanced Budget is FORBIDDEN by "The Establishment." There's no IRS in the Illuminati, so a "Balanced Budget" is completely irrelevant to us. If you look at the current Federal Budget with $1 TRILLION in Deficit Spending, what Newt did was the equivalent of taking $1 TRILLION of "Candy" from 500 tax-fattened, spoiled-rotten "Babies."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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