NEW YORK, NY -- In a bold effort to win back their good reputation and stimulate the economy, infamous Wall Street giant Goldman Sachs today promised everyone who votes in the November election $1 million cash.
A Goldman Sachs spokesman said the company would shell out the estimated $100 trillion from next year's first-quarter profits.
"Wait until EVERYbody's a millionaire," said one GS employee, who asked to remain anonymous. "The public will finally understand that money doesn't solve all your problems."
Exact details of the giveaway are still be worked out, but Goldman Sachs will apparently set up organizations in all 50 states to monitor and substantiate voting claims. Warehouses will be rented -- payment centers where voters would receive brown paper bags filled with ten-thousand $100 bills.
"A perfect touch for the election process," the GS employee said.