Written by Tragic Rabbit
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Thursday, 26 January 2012

image for Newt Gingrich campaign promise: colonize the Moon with Mitt Romney supporters
Newt Gingrich, star of cult television show "Space 1999".

Newt Gingrich's latest campaign promise has NASA and Dems on tenterhooks: to colonize the Moon with Romney supporters, vegans and telemarketers. While the absence of unwanted masses in those categories might improve American life as we know it, the practical problems were not addressed by the presidential hopeful.

NASA spokesman Luke Skywalker sounded quite peppy in a news conference following the unexpected campaign announcement from Mr. Gingrich, stating that in the wake of the shuttle program, something new was needed to turn American eyes back to the starry skies. He praised Mr. Gingrich, promised the full financial support of NASA in his campaign - assuming the check clears - and finished by wishing Gingrich well as clearly the Force is with him.

Romney supporters had no comment other than to suggest Gingrich hire a taste tester for his copious drinking, remarking dryly that while magic mushrooms may have just been proven an excellent remedy for depression, they are unlikely to be much use against a Great Depression.

When told of the plan, several individual vegans - people ethically against the consumption of meat - were quoted as saying that Newt Gingrich can "eat me". Whether this constitutes a recantation of their basic principles depends upon one's perspective.

Telemarketers were unavailable for comment but promised to phone back at a highly inconvenient hour.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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