Written by Gail Farrelly
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Thursday, 26 January 2012

image for Baby Porcupine Irwin: First Interview and Wish List
Irwin demands his day in court

He's a YouTube sensation -- the baby porcupine in Pennsylvania trying to eat from a coffee cup. But he's not a happy camper.

In his first interview, he tells all, including why he's furious with the media and what's on his wish list for the coming year.

He denies being drunk when the video was taken. He says he has taken "the pledge" and drinks no alcohol at all. "How would YOU like being filmed in the morning, before you've even had your coffee?" he asked the reporter. Irwin signed no legal papers either giving permission for him to be filmed or permitting the release of the video to the world. "My rights were violated, and I plan to sue," Irwin revealed. "My self-esteem has been damaged, and I don't intend to stand for it."

On a more positive note, Irwin revealed his 2012 wish list. He'd like privacy while he's eating, his food served on a big plate (rather than in a cup), an entertainment agent to handle his career, a complete body waxing (since he lives in a rescue wildlife center, he feels he has no need of what he calls "all those pesky quills"). Furthermore, he'd like a new name. Something like George, Brad, Ashton -- whatever. With a sigh, he said, "Just about any name would have more pizzazz than Irwin."

"Stories of humans bullying each other always seem to in the news," baby Irwin points out, continuing, "but there should be more publicity about humans bullying animals."

Out of the mouths of babes.............

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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