BILLINGSGATE POST - Major Amos B. Hoople announced his endorsement of Newt Gingrich on MSNBC's Rachel Maddow Show this evening. Ms. Maddow, who was leaning forward during the interview with the bombastic Major, was unaware that the nasty bastard was peeking down her grey turtleneck sweater while she was taunting him with her come-hither smile.
"Egad fap! My sweet cantalope, you must have a nice set of knockers hidden down there," he snorted out from underneath his snarly mustache. Oblivious to the unsettling fact that she was a non-practicing heterosexual, and him lacking the genteelness of her fellow MSNBC cohorts, Chris Matthews and Sergeant Schultz, the pompous Major was taken aback when Maddow didn't readily respond to his overtures.
Sensing that she should spring the trap on Major Hoople before he tried to grope her, Maddow asked him why he waited so long to endorse Newt.
"Harrumph! Harrumph! My sweet sugar plum." Adjusting his chestful of medals, he answered. "I was gainfully employed as watchman for an extinct volcano in Georgia and couldn't leave my job. Awp Kaff, Wheeze, Glug Glug."
"What's the chances of me and you getting together for a romp in the hay, my sweet nectar blossum?" "Harruummph!"
Word is that Rachel was tempted, but she was not leaning forward far enough to fall into his arms.